You have nothing to fear but lack of toilet paper – will be the slogan of this new version of March madness. We hominids have prewired in our DNA the instinct that we have very little control over the things that happen in our lives but we still head out hunter gathering as much toilet paper as we can carry content that we are doing something to prolong our survival.
There is advice all around us on what we can do if we should run out of toilet paper. We could use paper towels, newspapers and coffee filters. Not wanting to waste anything in these trying times do we make coffee with the filters first? And I use a French press that’s going to be interesting.
At the beginning of time when we humans came into being, germs and viruses were here to welcome us even though they couldn’t see them early man knew they were there and illustrated them the best they could on cave walls .
Germs and viruses have been by our side from natural catastrophes to wars and even personal occasions like holidays, vacations; they have even joined us on our cruises. All that time we have been trying to not just kill them but eradicate them from our ecosphere. Now they are taking it personally and are trying to exterminate us in a winner takes all wrestling match with no champions belt for the winner not even orange slices or a participation trophy when it’s over.
Being quarantined in our homes with no professional or amateur sports to watch will that lead in 9 months to an outbreak of Corona babies? And will any of them be named Covid? In 20 years could you be attending a wedding ceremony and hear “do you Covid Wasserstein take Covid Green to be your wife?”
Being self-incarcerated with little to do and too much time to do it will we have to take up the ancient barbaric practice of reading books? The horror! On the back cover of books will appear sentences of praise like “Compelling, thought provoking, an excellent read and even better toilet paper.”
In this new circumstance we’ve entered it’s hard to know what the right time is too publicly and appropriately express our anxiety because internally it seems all we can do is panic. In an occasion of hyper awareness we don’t want to end up resembling a deer that can’t decide which way to move and in a fit of indecision jumps in front of a 18 wheel truck and becomes road kill – we don’t need to become panicky road kill.
If this is the end how do we handle it? Will the end be an upheaval of fire and brimstone, death and destruction as we gather to watch from the edge oohing and awing like we were at a 4th of July fireworks? Or will it be more like a Fellini movie nearing the end of the film time worn clowns come out lead everyone in dance, the screen slowly fades to black, roll the credits and Fine - Italian for end. In my version we take the time to enjoy the setting sun,
observe that glowing orb disappear below the horizon and we think fine – English for tomorrows another day.